Archive for July, 2008:
The 2008 Magazine Cartoonists’ Olympic Games
Here’s the lineup of events:
Ink-Slinging, in which cartoonists attempt to throw ink at blank pieces of paper in such a way as to form identifiable forms which are humorous and also relevant in some way which accurately reflects the current culture.
Idea-Snatching. In this event, cartoonists attempt to grab funny cartoon ideas out of thin air, using only an imaginary net and quick reflexes.
Re-Cycling. Cartoonists endeavor to ride their bicycles fast enough to beat one another to a pile of used but as yet unpublished ideas at the end of an arduous three-mile course.
The Reject-Toss. Contestants toss crumpled-up balls of paper containing unsuccessful ideas across a large room, attempting to hit a small wastebasket on the other side.
The Clichéathon. Cartoonists run as fast as possible through a collection various tired, old cartoon setups, such as doctor’s offices, cocktail parties, deserts, or islands, attempting to draw a reasonably funny cartoon based on each cliché.
The Caption-Toss. Editors rip perfectly good captions off of new cartoon ideas and throw the remaining drawings into the stands, where the fans devour them.
Drawing-Table Tennis. A pair of cartoonists bat ideas back and forth across a drawing table until the ideas become completely unrecognizable and devoid of humor.
Pencil-Fencing. Two contestants are armed, one with a recently sharpened number two pencil and the other with a big Xacto knife. They attempt to prove which weapon is mightier.
Deadline-Sweating. Contestants start on Wednesday morning and race to get their batches done by 2pm the following Tuesday afternoon. During this process, they collect their accumulated perspiration in buckets provided for this purpose. The cartoonist with the least amount of buckets wins.
Napping and Noting. Participants sleep throughout the day, waking only to make notes of great ideas which occur to them in the form of dreams. Winners are those who actually have great ideas (And coherent handwriting) at the end of the day.
Idea-Wrestling. Each contestant is paired with a muscular but brainless opponent who thinks he’s a comic genius. The cartoonist must manage to manipulate the opponent’s bad ideas so that they appear to be good ideas, or at the very least, publishable.
A Note:
In past years, there have been some questions about the participants in these games allegedly using drugs to enhance their performance. Due to these abuses, the consumption of alcoholic beverages, marijuana, and caffeine are now forbidden by the International Magazine Cartoonists Olympic Committee. Though the committee must be given credit for its desire to clean up our profession’s image, its policies in this regard have had the unfortunate effect of severely decreasing the list of potential competitors.
I’ll never work again.
I wonder who invented the hammock? God bless him or her.
Have you ever really looked at your bare feet? Strange-looking appendages. Why ten toes? Why not 6? Or 21?
I just had a conversation with a fly. It didn’t answer me directly, but I’m sure we communicated on some level. Flies apparently aren’t allowed by Mother Nature to speak to humans. Too bad. The stories they could tell.
I know, the cloud-shape thing is a cliché, but one shaped like a 1966 Volkswagen beetle convertible full of bears wearing sombreros? Isn’t that unique?
Things to Do Today: Make “Things to Do Today” list… On second thought, never mind.
Everything comes from somebody’s garden here: Vegetables, greens, herbs, chicken, fish, outboard motors, auto parts. I found a lug-nut in my salad the other day.
Big shark scare at the beach a couple of days ago. It turned out to be a false alarm. They filmed “Jaws” here in the Seventies, and there are a lot of old hippies still around from that time, hanging out at the beach and having acid flashbacks.
When and if I go back home:
1 Fill my shoes with sand, to approximate the sensation of walking on the beach.
2 Wear dark glasses constantly.
3 Put on sunscreen every day, no matter what the weather.
4 Take home a handful of mosquitos.
While swimming in the ocean this morning, I got stung by a jellyfish. I was a little upset, even though the jellyfish apologized. Then I remembered, it’s more his ocean than mine and I suppose he has the right to defend himself from a big, opaque blob which is thrashing around in the water and re-arranging all the furniture in his living-room.
I promised to post any cartoon-related news I encountered here, so I will tell you that I saw Jules Feiffer a few days ago. He was hard at work in the idea garden at his Summer house, weeding out inkstains and a few bad metaphors which had somehow crept into the neat rows of incisive social commentary and magical children’s dreams which were thriving there.
I saw Paul Karasik, too, emerging from a dip in the inky waters of Comix Cove, after which he spread his wings and flew off to Comics-Com in San Diego, where he’s a contender for an Eisner Award or two.
The last two weeks has made it apparent to me: The world is a wonderful place. I’m feeling so connected to my fellow humans! I love everybody. I’m going to pack up this state of mind and take it with me when I go home.
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Well, the time has come. My delicious vacation feast has been all but devoured. I’m savoring the last few bites as I sit here in this charming little Island airport, waiting for my flight to be called. I see my fellow travelers, busily checking their bags, kissing their loved ones, finding and losing their boarding passes, and all the other stuff we do when we fly away somewhere. All of us going our separate ways but all of us linked by an unconscious spiritual bond, sharing the planet and all our little worries and concerns. We are one. “I am you and you are me and we are all together….dum dum dee dum…..”
I hear an announcement.
Oh, no! Not again! My plane has been delayed. I hate this! How the hell am I going to make my connection in Boston? I’ll probably end up sleeping all night on the floor at Logan with one eye open so no one steals my bags. They don’t even put you up in a hotel anymore, the bastards! No more trips for me. Flying has become a goddamned nightmare!
We’re Outa Here
Natuarally, the trip will be documented here whenever there’s a development related to the profession of cartooning, as long as it doesn’t interfere in any way with our tanning schedule.
Until Next Time…
