Items for Sale
Ark. Used once. Could use a good cleaning. Handy for parties, floods, etc. Write Noah, c/o I Really Should Be Drawing.
Chairs. Overstuffed, Clunky, Other Styles. Many to choose from. Contact Stanley or Eunice via this blog.
Doctor Stuff. Stethoscope, white coat, clipboard, pocket-protector and pens. Am switching to lawyer jokes. Email Manny Suits, Esq. c/o IRSBD.
Learn to Crawl. Look right when you land that next crawling-in-the-desert cartoon. Tips on acting thirsty, costume selection, non-shaving techniques. Contact Burt, IRSBD.
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Help Wanted
Receptionist. Can you say, “Mr. Reynolds won’t see you, now.”? Must remain expressionless for long periods and look good in a telephone headset.
Piano-Bar Guy. Must own a tuxedo and look vaguely sleazy. Musical knowledge a plus.
Party Extras. Need people to hang out and chat in the background of my cocktail party drawings. All types. BYOB.
Tired of Puns, scatological, sexist, racist, ageist, and just plain dumb jokes? Want to do more sophisticated humor? We offer courses in intellectually stimulating subjects, like using literary references, metaphor, and esoteric language which will shoot right over most reader’s heads! It’s not your college newspaper any more! The Highbrow Institute of Cartoon Art, Saint Augustine, Florida.
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Personals
Single White Businessman, permanently installed behind desk, seeks someone to sit opposite and engage in snappy repartee. Must have a sense of humor, including the ability to laugh at my jokes. My interests include scribbling on paper, answering the telephone, bending paper-clips into S-shapes, and shooting rubber bands.
Guy at Bar, 40-ish, balding, drunk, seeks woman of similar description (Except for the bald part) for possible relationship after closing time. Must be a good listener.
Woman at Cocktail Party seeks husband. Has anyone seen Larry? I haven’t seen him since we first got here. I hope he’s not out in the parking-lot with somebody else’s wife like last time, the S.O.B.
Man in Desert seeks water. No mirages, please. Actual water. Water! Water!
Dog on Couch looking for psychoanalyst. FedEx man issues. Please help me. Arf!
Woman with Two Easy Chairs seeks man to sit in one. I’ll sit in the other. We’ll know each other so well that we won’t need to talk, but I’ll still want to. Can you put down that newspaper for just a few minutes, for God’s sake?!
Man Stranded on Desert Island seeks companionship or possibly more with the right person. I like dreaming about food, waiting for cocoanuts to fall, and scanning the horizon for possible rescuers. Share the sand, the sun, the fun! Must be tasty.
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